Cancan Dancing Ninnies
by cancanchicamg
Summary: Also titled Tracey and Andy's date! We venture into the lives of a couple trying desperately not to make out with each other while watching a parodied version of Moulin Rouge. Laugh your pants off! Sorry, it isn't poetry
1. Toulouse's Number

Moulin Rouge is my favorite movie of all time, but I don't want to do   
  
my  
  
summer project until a week before it is due, and I've done all my  
  
chores. So now, the only thing I can think of is... parody my fave   
  
movie!  
  
How brilliant am I? -not very. The only characters I own are Tracey and  
  
her boyfriend Andy! The rest are owned by Australian, Baz Luhrman.  
  
*****  
  
Tracey: Ready to be alone all night?  
  
Andy: Oh yeah. (Puts arm around her)  
  
Tracey: Andy, I don't want to make out. I want to watch this movie!  
  
Andy: Fine, I won't make out with you!  
  
Tracey: I've watched this movie eight times since I bought it.  
  
Andy: When did you buy it?  
  
Tracey: Five days ago. Come on, lets watch.  
  
*****  
  
Chapter 1: Toulouse's Number\ Sound of Music  
  
(Toulouse is sitting on the roof of the Moulin Rouge.)  
  
Toulouse: There was a boy. A very strange enchanted boy. They sat he  
  
traveled very far, very far, very far...  
  
Andy: Your tape's already busted. Wanna make out now?  
  
Tracey: No, this is the better version, sit!  
  
Toulouse: Over land and sea. ( Zooms out to Paris) Oh yeah, from merry  
  
England to Paris he traveled what? A hundred miles or less! (Zooms into  
  
Montmartre)  
  
Priest: Turn away from this village of sin!  
  
Random Girl: When I grow up, I'll be a cancan dancer! Just like Nini.  
  
Priest: This may be a village of sin, but I love it.  
  
Toulouse: And sad of eye. Was very wise. And then one day, one magic   
  
day  
  
he turned my way. (Zooms in on Christian, holding an Absinthe bottle.)  
  
Christian: Who the hell said this day was magical?  
  
Toulouse: I did! Let me finish my song already!! This he said to me.  
  
(Christian begins typing. Quietly sobs) The greatest thing you'll ever  
  
learn is just to love and be loved in return.  
  
Christian: (still typing) The Moulin Rouge. A night club . The kingdom   
  
of  
  
night time pleasures. (Cancan dancers appear on screen)  
  
Andy: I know I'll like this movie!  
  
Tracey: Put a sock in it.  
  
Harold Zidler: (appears) Moulin Rouge!  
  
Christian: As I was saying! A dance hall and a bordello. Where the rich  
  
idiots came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the  
  
underworld. The most beautiful of all was the woman I loved. Satine. A  
  
courtesan. She sold her love to men. And she was the star of the Moulin  
  
Rouge.  
  
Andy: What's with the sentence fragments?  
  
Christian: Will you stop interrupting me?  
  
Tracey: Yeah Andy!  
  
Christian: You too Goldilocks! Anyways, the woman I loved is dead. I  
  
first came to Paris one year ago. (Zoom out) It was 1899. The world had  
  
been swept up in Bohemian revolution, and I had traveled from Merry ol  
  
England to be a part of it. I traveled to the village of Montmartre. It  
  
was not as my father said.  
  
Christian's Daddio: A village of sin!  
  
Christian: But the center of the Bohemian world.  
  
Random people: Of the Revolution.  
  
Christian: There were painters, writers, and some other idiots known as  
  
the Children of the Revolution. I had come to write about Truth,   
  
Freedom,  
  
Beauty, and that which I believed in above all things: Love!  
  
Christian's Daddio: Always talking about this ridiculous obsession with  
  
love. You disgust me!!  
  
Christian: But there was one problem: I'd never been in love.  
  
People walking below: Gasp!  
  
Christian:(typing) Luckily, at that very moment an unconscious  
  
Argentinean fell through my roof. ( Argentinean falls through roof) He  
  
was joined seconds later by a dwarf dressed as a nun.  
  
Toulouse: How do you do? My name is ...(five minutes later) Toulouse  
  
Monfa. Just so this makes sense, call me Toulouse.  
  
Christian: O...k.  
  
Toulouse: I'm so sorry about this, we were just upstairs rehearsing a  
  
play.  
  
Christian: (typing) A play, something very modern called Spectacular  
  
Spectacular.  
  
Toulouse: It's set in Switzerwand!  
  
Christian: Apparently, the Argentinean suffered from a disease called  
  
Narcolepsy.  
  
Toulouse: Running around then (snores) unconscious the next. (Bohemians  
  
appear)  
  
Audrey: Oh peachy! Now the narcoleptic Argentinean is unconscious and   
  
we  
  
won't have this dumb play ready for the financier tomorrow.  
  
Toulouse: Audrey, hello! We find someone to read the part! You awful   
  
eye  
  
shadowed guy.  
  
Audrey: I happen to like my eye shadow. Anyway, who will we find to   
  
play  
  
the sensitive Swiss poet\goat herder?  
  
Christian: (Typing) Suddenly, I found myself upstairs subbing for the  
  
Argentinean. (Upstairs)  
  
Toulouse: (singing) The hills animate, with the euphonic sounds of the  
  
descant! Ha-ha-ha  
  
Audrey: Stop! Your lack of piano talent is insufferable droning!  
  
Satie: So?  
  
Audrey: Stop the insufferable droning, and stick to decorative piano!  
  
Christian: (typing) Apparently there were artistic differences to  
  
Audrey's words and Satie's songs.  
  
Special Effect Dude: I don't think a nun would sing about a hill.  
  
Satie: How about the hills are vital to the descant?  
  
Toulouse: The hills quake and shake!  
  
All but Argentinean: The hills are   
  
Argentinean: The hills have euphonic melodies. (faints)  
  
All: No. The hills are the hills are!  
  
Christian: The hills are alive! With the sound of music!  
  
Argentinean: The hills are alive with the sound of music! I love it.  
  
Satie: Hey, this goes with my freaky melody!   
  
Christian: With songs they have sung, for a thousand years!  
  
Toulouse: El gaspo! Incandiferous! (Two little boys show up)  
  
Boy One: Can I buy that song from you?  
  
Christian: At the end of the movie!  
  
Boy Two: We can live with that!  
  
Toulouse: Audrey, you two should write the show together.  
  
Audrey:(like a valley girl) Excuse me girlfriend?  
  
Christian:(typing) But Toulouse's idea that Audrey and I should write   
  
the  
  
show together was not what that gay man wanted to hear!  
  
Audrey: Goodbye! I will take my eye shadow! None of you will look as   
  
good  
  
as me!  
  
Special Effect Dude: DAMN!  
  
Toulouse: Your first job in Paris.  
  
Satie: Do you think Zidler will go for it? No offense, but have you   
  
ever  
  
written anything like this before?  
  
Christian: No!  
  
Special Effects Dude: We're screwed!  
  
Toulouse: Not completely. We can pose him off as an English writer to  
  
Satine, and she'll tell Zidler to have him write the show.  
  
Satie: That's just vague enough to work!  
  
Christian: (typing) But I kept hearing my father's voice in my head!  
  
Christian's Daddio: You'll end up losing your virginity at the Moulin  
  
Rouge with some Cancan dancing ninny!  
  
Christian: I can't write the show for the Moulin Rouge!  
  
Toulouse: Why not?  
  
Christian: I don't know if I am a true Bohemian revolutionary!  
  
All: Gasp!  
  
Argentinean: Do you believe in Truth?  
  
Christian: Yes.  
  
Satie: Beauty?  
  
Christian: Yes of course!  
  
Toulouse: Freedom?  
  
Christian: Like duh!  
  
Special Effect Dude: Love?  
  
Christian: Why did you have to ask me?  
  
Special Effect Dude: Who knows? Do you believe in love?  
  
Christian: Love?  
  
All: Yes! Love!  
  
Christian: Love. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like   
  
oxygen,  
  
love is a many splendored thing, all you need is love!  
  
Toulouse: See, you can't fool us! You are the voice of the children of  
  
the revolution!  
  
Christian: Yeah! Can I drink already? I'm tired of standing on this  
  
bloody ladder!  
  
Special Effects Dude: The ladder is bloody?  
  
Toulouse: Eat nothing, don't be merry, and drink Absinthe!  
  
Christian: (typing) I had my first glass of Absinthe. ( They drink)  
  
Kylie Monougue: I'm the green fairy.  
  
Tracy: Let's fast forward a bit.  
  
Kylie: Hey!  
  
~~~~~FF~~~~~  
  
Christian: We were off to the Moulin Rouge, and Satine would.. well  
  
you'll see.  
  
~~~~STOP~~~~~  
  
Andy: I've got to take a massive piss.  
  
Tracey: TMI my boyfriend. TMI!  
  
Me: Take us out of the chapter, Trace.  
  
Tracey: Thank you, Meredith. While my boyfriend takes a piss, you   
  
review  
  
until he comes back! 


	2. Appearance of the Ninnies & The Fainting...

When we last left our heroes, Christian and the Bohemians were off to   
  
the  
  
Moulin Rouge and Andy was taking a piss. Will the couple not make-out?  
  
Will Christian read his poetry to Satine? We'll Find out. I only own   
  
Andy  
  
and Tracey. The rest are owned by Baz Luhrman.  
  
*****  
  
Andy: I'm back.  
  
Tracey: Great! Let's try to get through another twenty minutes.  
  
Chapter 2: Appearance of the Ninnies & The Fainting Diamond  
  
~~~~PLAY~~~~  
  
Christian: Harry Zidler's infamous girls, his Diamond Dogs.  
  
Fat Cancan Dancer: Why are we dogs?  
  
Marie: (Unseen) Would you rather be called a cancan dancing ninny?  
  
Nini: Yes?  
  
Marie: (Unseen) Just start!  
  
Girls: Vole voux coucher avec moi, ses wa?  
  
Harold Zidler: Life's an awful bore, where living's just a chore. And   
  
we  
  
do it cause death's ain't too fun.   
  
Andy: I didn't know this was a hick movie!  
  
Tracey: Will you shut up!?!  
  
Harold Zidler:I don't mean to gloat, well actually I do. Because at the  
  
Moulin Rouge you'll have fun. Have a little niggle watch a little  
  
wiggle...  
  
Girls: Creole Lady Marmalade. Why are we singing about a woman named  
  
Marmalade.  
  
Harold Z.:Don't question! Outside things may be raining, but in here  
  
it's entertaining! The Moulin Rouge is the place to be!( Does   
  
uncountable  
  
amounts of back hand springs) Can you cancancan? I know you can't can't  
  
can't!  
  
Toulouse: Hey!  
  
Harold Z.: Outside it may be tragic, but in here we feel it magic!   
  
(Zooms  
  
around. We see random girls doing random things.)  
  
Horny Men: Here we are now entertain us, we're so stupid, and   
  
contagious!  
  
Harold Z.: (in a surfer voice) Get away from me, dude. (back 2 normal)  
  
Life's a dark desire, love to play with fire why not let it rip live a  
  
little bit! You can cancan! No you can't can't can't. (excitement ends)  
  
The cancan!  
  
Girls: Oh, great, now we have to do our jobs. Giuchie Guichie ya ya  
  
dotta. Guichie guichie ya ya here. Mocha choca lala dotta. Creole lady  
  
Marmalade.  
  
Christian: Cause it's good for your mind! (SCREAM!)  
  
Harold Z.: (Echoes) Can.   
  
(Lights dim. Confetti falls from the ceiling. Swing comes down   
  
slightly)  
  
Toulouse: It's her, the sparkwing Diamond!  
  
Special Effects Dude: Cool, a person is a diamond!  
  
Argentinean: It's an Alias!  
  
Special Effects Dude: I love that show!  
  
Satie: Shut up!  
  
Christian: (typing) But someone else was to see Satine that night.  
  
Satine: The French are glad to die for love. They delight in fighting  
  
duels. But I prefer a man who lives...  
  
Christian: (typing) Zidler's investor.  
  
Satine: And gives expensive, jewels.  
  
Christian: (typing) The Duke.  
  
(Zooms in on Duke.)  
  
Duke: I'm too sexy!!  
  
Harold Z.: Save it!  
  
Satine: A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a  
  
girls best friend. A kiss may be grand, but it can't pay the rental on  
  
your humble flat or help feed your... pussy... cat. Men grow cold as  
  
girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end. Square cut or  
  
pear-shaped these rocks won't lose their shape, diamonds are a girls   
  
best  
  
friend.  
  
Duke: When will I meet the girl, as I constantly refer her.  
  
Harold Z.: I've arranged a private meeting after her number, just you   
  
and  
  
Mademoiselle Satine, totally alone.  
  
(Next Booth)  
  
Toulouse: I forgot to mention that we successfully evaded Zidwer. After  
  
her number, we've arranged a private meeting, just you an Mademoiselle  
  
Satine, totawy awone.  
  
Christian: Alone?  
  
Zidler and Toulouse: Totally alone.  
  
Satine: Hello, watch me! Cause we are living in a material world, and I  
  
am a material girl. (kisses air) Come and get me boys. Weeee! Come on  
  
Harry Zidler and tell me all about it. There may come a time when a   
  
lass  
  
needs a lawyer, but diamonds are a girls best friend. There may come a  
  
time when a hard time employer thinks...  
  
Harold Z.: You're awful nice.  
  
Satine: Squeak! Is the Duke here Harold?  
  
Harold Z.: Yes!  
  
Satine: Where is he? Why am I asking all these questions?  
  
Harold Z.: It's ok! Anyway, he's the one Toulouse is shaking a hankie   
  
at.  
  
Toulouse: Christian, may I borrow this.( shakes hankie at Christian.)  
  
Satine: Are you sure?  
  
Harold Z.:Let me take a peek. Gasp!  
  
Toulouse: Buzz off you bourgeoise pig! SNORT!  
  
Warner: Hey, don't you talk to my master like that!  
  
Toulouse: You sleep together?  
  
Warner: Am I lactating, I must shoot you!  
  
Toulouse: Sorry!  
  
Satine: Will he invest?  
  
Harold: After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?  
  
Satine: What's his type? Wilting flower, bright and bubbly, or  
  
smouldering temptress?  
  
Harold: I'd say smouldering temptress. Since the MR is going bankrupt,  
  
we're relying on you to screw 'em good, gosling. You'll work on a real  
  
show, with a stage not in a prestigious whore house, and you'll be...,  
  
and you'll be...  
  
Satine: Whoops, a real actress! And that's when those louses go back to  
  
their spouses. Diamonds. Are a. Girls. Best. Friend.(shimmy shimmy  
  
shimmy) I believe you are expecting me!  
  
Christian: Hubbita hubbita hubbita!  
  
Satine: I'm afraid it's ladies choice. Gasp squeak.  
  
Horny Men: Satine Satine Satine,,,  
  
Toulouse: I see you've met my English friend...  
  
Satine: I can take care of it Toulouse, let's dance!  
  
Toulouse: Hit her with your most modern poems!  
  
Argentinean: He has a gift with the woman!  
  
Toulouse: I told you he's a genius.  
  
Satine: I see you've taken an interest in our little show.  
  
Christian: I'd be delighted, if you like what I do of course.  
  
Satine: I'm sure I will.  
  
Christian: Toulouse thought we could do it in private.  
  
Satine: Did he?  
  
Christian: Yes, a private... poetry reading.  
  
Satine: Is that what they call it now? I need to get out more. But, I   
  
do  
  
love a little poetry after supper! Hang on to your hats!  
  
Men: (Throw hats in the air)  
  
Christian: I think the term "hang on" means to not let it go!  
  
Satine: Diamonds...  
  
Harold: Yeah!!  
  
Satine: Diamonds! Square cut or pear shaped these rocks won't lose   
  
their  
  
shape, diamonds. Are a girls best .... gasp!( Scene we see incessantly  
  
throughout the film) (like a southern belle) I feel a little faint.  
  
(falls)  
  
Special Effects dude: Does that mean she's the fainting diamond?  
  
Satie: Will you just shut up?  
  
Harold: You frightened her away. But I can see some jealous Moulin   
  
Rouge  
  
dancers looking for a partner or three. So if you can hunk-hunk,   
  
whatever  
  
the hell that is, you can hunkadola with them!  
  
S.E.D.: No!!  
  
(Back room)  
  
Nini: Now she should be called the fainting diamond! I don't think the  
  
Duke will be getting his money's worth tonight!  
  
Fat Cancan Dancer: Don't be unkind Nini!  
  
Manager: Go back out there and make those men horny,er, thirsty!  
  
Marie: It's just the silly costume and a fainting spell.  
  
Satine: Coughs!  
  
Marie: (places hankie over mouth. Sees blood) Or is it!!!!  
  
~~~~STOP~~~~  
  
Andy: Tracey! It was getting good!  
  
Tracey: I'm thirsty...  
  
Andy: Always willing to please.  
  
Tracey: For a Sprite remix, do you want anything?  
  
Andy: A Sprite remix would be nice!  
  
Me: Wanna tell the people to sit down, and wait?  
  
Andy: Sure! As my super hot girlfriend gets some beverages, please read  
  
other fiction by cancanchicamg. Just click her screen name near the top  
  
of the page! 


	3. Mistaken Identity, Too Much Spinning, & ...

When we left our bohos and couple, they were about to have a "poetry  
  
reading". And Tracey went to get some beverages. I do not own Moulin  
  
Rouge!!  
  
*****  
  
Tracey: Here's your drink.  
  
Andy: Thank you babe!  
  
Tracey: Let's start it up!!  
  
~~~~PLAY~~~~  
  
Chapter Three: Mistaken Identity, Too Much Spinning, & S. S. plot.  
  
(People Doing the Hunkadola)  
  
Marie: *like a valley girl*That twinkle-toes Duke is really taking the  
  
bait, girl.  
  
Satine: *Equally Stupid Voice*: He he, like, gag me with a spoon!   
  
Marie: (pulls string) Enough of that. With a patron like him, you could  
  
be the next Sarah Bernhardt.  
  
Satine: Oh, Marie, you honestly think I'm that good?  
  
Marie: (pulls string) Yup!  
  
Satine: I'm going to be a real actress, Marie.  
  
Andy: Hate to break it to ya Nicole, you already are an actress!  
  
Satine: It's a movie!! I'm going to fly away from hear. (Starts talking  
  
to bird) Yes you little birdie, I'm going to fly away... Why the hell   
  
am  
  
I telling a bird about my problems??  
  
Marie: I don't know, why are you? (pulls string)  
  
Harold: Duckling! Is everything all right?  
  
Satine: Of course, Harold. You think I would be putting on makeup for   
  
no  
  
reason. (turns around) How do I look?  
  
Harold: * In A Voice That Sounds Like He Got Kicked in the Balls* EEK!  
  
Satine: Smouldering Temptress!  
  
Harold: My little Strawberry, how can he resist from gobbling you up?  
  
Everything is going so well!  
  
(Scene changes to the elephant, where Christian is just standing there)  
  
Satine: This is a wonderful place for a poetry reading, don't you   
  
think?  
  
Christian: Well, actually (turns around) Yeah, great place for a poetry  
  
reading.  
  
Satine: Poetic. Enough. For you?  
  
Christian: Yes. Black corset....  
  
Satine: Would you like a little supper? (picks up champagne)  
  
Christian: I'd rather just get it over and done with.  
  
Satine:(Drops champagne. It breaks into a gazillion bite-size pieces)   
  
Oh.  
  
Then why don't you come down here, and we can get it over and done   
  
with!  
  
Christian: Aren't you going to pick up the gazillion bite-size pieces   
  
of  
  
glass?  
  
Satine: Do I look like a maid?  
  
Christian: I'd rather do it standing.  
  
Satine: Clean up the glass?  
  
Christian: No, my poetry.  
  
Satine: Oh..  
  
Christian: You don't have to stand up. Sometimes it can be quite long,  
  
and I'd like you to be comfortable.  
  
Satine: 8)  
  
Christian: It's quite modern what I do, and if your open, I'm sure   
  
you'll  
  
enjoy it.  
  
Satine: I'm sure I will love your sex.  
  
Christian: Is that what they call it? I need to get out more The sky   
  
is.  
  
Satine: Moans and groans.  
  
Christian: Blue birds (turns) Come on. Oh riki tiki tiki tiki! Oh, how   
  
I  
  
love my poetry.  
  
Satine: Is everything all right.  
  
Christian: I'm just a bit nervous. I'm not inspired.  
  
Satine: Oh yes yes yes yes, let mummy help hum...(grabs his groin) Does  
  
that inspire you? Let's make love!  
  
Christian: Make love?  
  
Satine: You want to don't you? Oh, come on. Free the tiger. Growl   
  
growl.  
  
(rips open pants) Oh, big boy.  
  
Toulouse: He's got a huge talent!!  
  
Satine: I need your poetry, now!!  
  
Christian: It's a little bit funny...  
  
Satine: What?  
  
Christian: This feeling inside...  
  
Satine: :@  
  
Christian: I'm not one of those who can easily hide. Is this what you  
  
want?  
  
Satine: Oh yes, not actions naughty words. (randomly groans throughout  
  
entire poem I'm not going to bother trying to write out)  
  
Christian:(singing) My gift is my song  
  
Paris: Holy...  
  
Christian: And this one's for you. And you can tell everybody, that   
  
this  
  
is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that it's done. I hope   
  
you  
  
don't mind, I hope you don't mind.. that I put down in words...  
  
Satine: Is it too late to say I mind??  
  
Christian: How wonderful life is, now you're in the world. I sat on the  
  
roof, and I kicked off to Mars...  
  
Satine: I thought you kicked off the moss?  
  
Christian: But I want to go to Mars!  
  
Satine: It doesn't rhyme with cross...  
  
Christian: And I kicked off the moss, well some of these verses well  
  
they... they got me quite cross.  
  
Satine: Then why did you write them?  
  
Christian: I'm trying to romantically serenade you, will you shush?   
  
Well  
  
the sun's been kind, while I wrote this song. It's for people like you  
  
that keep it turned on. So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do.  
  
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue!  
  
Satine: What is green or blue?  
  
Christian: I'll stop singing if you say one more word! You see well the  
  
thing is, what I really mean. Yours are the sweetest eyes, I've ever  
  
seen. (begins to spin her in a circle. Scene is now outside) And you   
  
can  
  
tell everybody, this is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that  
  
it's done.  
  
Satine: (spins about ten times to get to Christian)  
  
Christian: I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind, that I put down  
  
in words. How wonderful life is, now you're in the world. ( Starts  
  
spinning her again, then picks her up-still spinning)  
  
Toulouse: I think he got the job!  
  
Christian: World.......  
  
Satine: I don't believe it! I'm in love! I'm in love with a young,  
  
handsome, talented duke.  
  
Christian: Duke?  
  
Satine: The title is a load of crap though.  
  
Christian: I'm not a duke.  
  
Satine: Not a duke?  
  
Christian: I believe I already said that! Can I put you down now?  
  
Satine: What are you then?  
  
Christian: A young, handsome, talented writer!  
  
Satine: WRITER!  
  
Christian: Toulouse said.....  
  
Satine: Oh no, you're not another one of Toulouse's incredibly talented  
  
proteges?  
  
Christian: You might say that!  
  
Satine: Oh no! I'm going to kill him!  
  
Toulouse: There might be a slight hitch!  
  
Satine: What about the duke? (opens door)  
  
Harold: Ah, duke!  
  
Satine: (Slams door) The Duke!!!  
  
Christian: The Duke?  
  
Satine: Hide. Out the back!  
  
Harold: Satine, are you decent for the Duke? Where were you?  
  
Satine: I was waiting.  
  
Duke: For lil ol me?  
  
Satine: Uh...  
  
Harold: May I present Mademoiselle Satine.  
  
Satine: Monsieur, it is kind of you to take time out of your busy  
  
schedule to come see us.  
  
Duke: Who said I came for Zidler? oops, I mean I fear the pleasure is   
  
all  
  
mine.  
  
Harold: I'll let you two squirrels get acquainted.  
  
Duke: Zidler, your supposed to leave.  
  
Harold: Right, ta-ta (leaves)  
  
Duke :A kiss on the hand may be quite continental...  
  
Satine: But diamonds are a girl's best friend.  
  
Duke: (hands her hat and pimp cane)  
  
Satine: Whoof!  
  
Duke: Whoop? Well, after tonights hot, sultry, sensual...  
  
Satine: On with it!  
  
Duke: Exertions on the stage, you must be in need of refreshment (turns  
  
to get champagne)  
  
Satine: Don't you...just... love the view?  
  
Duke: Charming. Now would you like a..  
  
Satine: Whoop! I feel like dancing. *mutters* Great, more spinning!  
  
(Dances like a fool)  
  
Christian: (looks at her like she's "Sarah")  
  
Sound Effect; Crash!  
  
Satine: Don't ! It's a little bit funny...  
  
Duke: What?  
  
Satine: This...  
  
Christian: (whispers) Yearning for sex...  
  
Satine: Feeling.....  
  
Christian: *whispering* below the waistline!  
  
Satine: Inside. I'm not one of those who can easily...  
  
Christian: *whispers* Remains a virgin.  
  
Satine: Hide.  
  
Sound Effect: Hehe- CRASH!  
  
Duke: (looks behind him. He SPINS)  
  
Satine:(throws herself at his feet.) I don't have much money, but if I  
  
did , oh I'd buy a big house where we both could live. (opens Duke's  
  
legs) *whispers* go out the back. I hope you don't mind, I hope you   
  
don't  
  
mind that I put down in words. How wonderful life is now you're in the  
  
world.  
  
Duke: (Eyes pull a shing shing sparkle sparkle) That's very  
  
b-e-a-utiful!!  
  
Satine: It's from Spectacular, Spectacular. With you here, I finally  
  
understand the true meaning of those words: how wonderful life is now  
  
you're in the world.  
  
Christian: (Opens door. GasP! There's Warner)  
  
Duke: And what meaning is that?  
  
Sound Effect: CRash!!!!!  
  
Satine: NO! Duke, don't toy with my emotions! You must know the effect  
  
you have on women. *in thought* you scare them with your heinous  
  
mustache! *speaking* Let's make love!!!  
  
Duke: Yeah!!!  
  
Satine: I knew you felt the same!! *whispers* get out he's going to   
  
kill  
  
you! *speaking* We should wait.  
  
Duke: But why?  
  
Satine: There's a sheer ugliness in you that scares me. You must leave!  
  
Duke: I just got here!  
  
Satine: I got to go, bye! (shoves Duke out door) Do you have any idea  
  
what would've happened if you were found. (Faints)  
  
Christian: (Catches her) Oh my golly golly gosh! Satine! I'll put you   
  
in  
  
bed! (Puts Satine in bed, with much difficulty, thus landing on top of  
  
her.)  
  
Duke: (Opens door) I forgot my h... Foul PLAY!  
  
Christian: This isn't hockey! No.. she.. I  
  
Duke: It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside?  
  
Satine: Oh Duke. Beautifully spoken. Let me introduce you, the writer.  
  
Duke : The writer?  
  
Satine: Yes, we were rehearsing.  
  
Duke: What kind of fool do you take me for?  
  
Christian:...  
  
Duke: Don't answer that. You expect me to believe scantily clad, in the  
  
arms of another man, in the middle of the night, you were rehearsing.  
  
Toulouse: How's the rehearsal going? Should we take it from the top?  
  
Satie: I hope the piano's in tune.  
  
SED :Can I offer you a drink?  
  
Duke: Finally! I've been hinting at one all night!!  
  
Harold: OH mi goodness!  
  
Satine: You see, you filled me with such inspiration, that I called an  
  
emergency rehearsal.  
  
Duke: If you're rehearsing, where's Zidler?  
  
Satine: Uh, don't want to bother Harold?  
  
Harold: (Bursts through door) Duke, I'm most terribly sorry.  
  
Duke: It's ok, we can't all be prompt!  
  
Harold: Huh?  
  
Satine: It's all right, he knows all about the emergency rehearsal?  
  
Harold: Emergency rehearsal? *in thought* if I just keep smiling,   
  
they'll  
  
have no idea I have no idea what is going on.  
  
Satine: To incorporate the Duke's artistic ideas.  
  
Harold: I'm sure Audrey will be only too delighted...  
  
Toulouse: Audrey went bye bye!  
  
Harold:What?!?!?  
  
Satine: Harold, the cat's out of the bag. The duke is already a fan of  
  
our new writers work. And that's why he's so keen to invest.  
  
Harold: Invest? Invest! Oh yes invest! You couldn't blame me for trying  
  
to hide our writer.  
  
Duke: Does he have a name.  
  
Christian: Hello, I'm Christian! I'm three and a half years old!  
  
Harold: My dear Duke, let's peruse the paper work in my office.  
  
Duke: What's the story?  
  
Harold: The story?  
  
Duke: If you want to trick me into investing, I need to know the story.  
  
Harold: Well, the story's about... Toulouse.  
  
Toulouse: The story's about me?  
  
Duke: I'm leaving!  
  
Toulouse: JK! The story's about.. uh...  
  
Christian: It's about love!  
  
Duke: Love?  
  
Christian: It's about love, overcoming all obstacles!  
  
Toulouse: And it's set in Switzerwand!!  
  
Duke: Switzerland?  
  
Harold: Exotic Switzerland?  
  
Christian: Exotic Switzerland? It's set in India you idiots! And   
  
there's  
  
a courtesan, the most beautiful courtesan in all the world. But her  
  
kingdom's invaded by an evil Duke, er, maharajah! And to save her  
  
kingdom.....  
  
Satie: Courtesan's have kingdoms?  
  
Christian: She has to sleep with the evil maharajah. And on the night   
  
of  
  
the seduction, she mistakes a penniless, penni- penniless sitar player  
  
for the maharajah. He wasn't trying to trick her or anyh=thing, but he  
  
was dressed like a freakahajah, because he's appearing in a play!  
  
Argentinean: I will play the penniless tango-dancing sitar player. He  
  
sings like an angel, but dance like the devil!  
  
Duke: O...k. What happens next?  
  
Christian: The Sitar player and the courtesan have to hide their love  
  
from the evil maharajah.  
  
Satie: And the sitar player's sitar is magical, it can only speak the  
  
truth.  
  
Toulouse: And I will play the magical sitar!! blingie blingie blingie!  
  
You are hot! sizzle! blingie blingie blingie, you are uglier than  
  
"Sarah", and you are.  
  
All but duke:NO!  
  
Duke: And he tells the maharajah what be goin on!  
  
Harold: Tell him about the cancan.  
  
Christian: The tantric cancan is...  
  
Harold: A lot of adjectives that the production embodies! It will be  
  
tremoundous stupendous a gargantuan bedazzlement a sensual ravishment   
  
it  
  
will be...  
  
Satie: Glissando!  
  
Harold: Spectacular Spectacusl, no words are the vernacular, can   
  
describe  
  
this great event, you'll be dumb with wonderment! RETURNS ARE FIXED AT  
  
10%, you must agree that's excellent! And on top of your fees.  
  
Company-not Duke: You'll be involved artistically. So exciting the  
  
audience will sleep and snore. So delighting we will run it fifty more!  
  
So exciting the audience wil sleep and snore. So delighting, we will   
  
run  
  
it fifty more.  
  
SED: Arabians.  
  
Satine: Courtesans.  
  
Argentinean: Acrobats.  
  
Satie: Juggling bears.  
  
Toulouse: Exotic women.  
  
Company-except Duke: Fire eaters! Musclemen contourtaianists. Intrigue,  
  
danger, and romance. Electric lights machinery and all that electricty!  
  
So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting it will   
  
run  
  
for fifty years1 So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer so  
  
delighting it will run for fifty years! Spectacular spectacular no word  
  
are no vernacular can describe this great event you'll be dumb with  
  
wonderment!  
  
Satie: Ding ding dong!  
  
Company-ed: The hills aer alive with the sound of music! So exciting   
  
the  
  
audience will stomp and cheer so delighting it will run for fifty   
  
years.  
  
So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer, so delighting it will   
  
run  
  
for fifty years!  
  
Duke: What happens in the end!  
  
Christian: The coutesan and sitar man are pulled apart by an evil pla.  
  
Satine: But in she hears his song! *in thought* how do I come up with  
  
these words?  
  
Christian: And their love is just too strong.  
  
Duke: It's a little bit funny. This feeling inside!!!  
  
Company-ed: So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer so   
  
delighting  
  
it will run for fifty years!  
  
Christian: The sitar player's secret song, helps to flee the evil one.   
  
Th  
  
ought the tyrant rants and rails, it is all to no avail!  
  
Harold: I am the evil maharajah, you will not escape!  
  
Satine: Oh, Harold, no one could play him like you could.  
  
Harold: Yes, I am evil. And no one will!  
  
Compand-ed: So exciting we'll make the, laugh and make them cry! So  
  
delighting...  
  
Duke: And in the end, should someone die?  
  
Satine: Way to spoil the ending, Richard!!!  
  
Company-ed: So exciting the audience will stomp and cheer so delighting  
  
it will run for fifty years!  
  
Duke: Generally I like it!  
  
Toulouse: He likes our song!  
  
Duke: The play!!  
  
Toulouse: Oh yeah, YAY!!!  
  
~~~~Stop~~~~  
  
Andy: Why are we stopping it now?  
  
Tracey: Mere needs a break!  
  
Andy: Fine!  
  
Me: GRR!  
  
Andy: See you in a chapter-hehe!  
  
~~~~  
  
REVIEW! 


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